Hisoka's Foot Massage
by TheChainUser
Summary: Hisoka decides to give Gon, Killua, Leorio, and Kurapika acupuncture foot massages.


**Hello! So this is a translation of an audio recording that the 1999 voice actors did, in one of the drama CDs. I looked and found that the translation wasn't on Fanfiction already, which made me very sad, so I took the translation and edited it a little so it was easier to understand by just reading it. ^_^ So, really, I didn't do much... And if the characters seem OOC, it's not my fault, because this is just what the voice actors were saying.**

**What happens: Hisoka's voice actor is giving all the other voice actors very painful acupuncture foot massages. (In acupuncture, each part of the foot has a corresponding body part, and if that part of your foot hurts, it is said that that part of your body is unhealthy.) They have their microphones on, and they're pretending to be the characters, while getting the foot massages. So they're not acting. They're really in pain.**

**If you would like to listen to the audio recording, go on YouTube and search, "Hisoka's Foot Massage". There's a really cool video with pictures of the character's expressions to go along with it. Unfortunately, Leorio's part is skipped in the video...**

**I don't own Hunter x Hunter!**

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Hisoka: Alright! Since we have relaxed quite a bit in the hot springs, *chuckle* in order to enhance your relaxation even more, I shall do a special acupuncture foot massage I learned from my friend, Illumi, for you~

Killua: -_- Ehh, big brother's?

Hisoka: It works really well… *sly smile* I bet someone like Kurapika will scream.

Kurapika: *crosses arms* Hmph! Stupid! As if the calm and composed me will scream!

Hisoka: Is that so? Well then, let's start with Kurapika!

Kurapika: Bring it on.

Hisoka: *snickers* If anything happens, don't blame me… Alright, let's do it! *starts rubbing cream on Kurapika's feet*

Kurapika: o.o W-what's this slippery stuff?

Hisoka: This is my _special cream_-

Kurapika: HA!

Leorio and Killua: *snicker*

Gon: _What's so funny?_

Hisoka: *starts massage*

Kurapika: o_o'

Hisoka: How is it? It works, doesn't it?

Gon: *bouncing in place* Kurapika, does it hurt? Does it hurt, Kurapika?

Kurapika: _ N-no!

Everyone: *laughs*

Hisoka: Kurapika, does it hurt here? *liver acupuncture point*

Kurapika: Hiso- AGHH.

Hisoka: Kurapika, have you been drinking?

Kurapika: About that, I can't say for sure…

Hisoka: *presses liver acupuncture point again*

Kurapika: I-I CAN'T SAY FOR SUREEEE!

Hisoka: *trying to hold in laughter* Are you really Kurapika? *press*

Kurapika: *quivers* Spider, spider, spider, AHHHHH!

Hisoka: This isn't a spider-

Kurapika: AHHHH-AHHH.

Hisoka: -It's the liver acupuncture point!

Kurapika: Liver- wha?

Leorio, Gon, and Killua: *laughing*

Hisoka: Kurapika! Making such a cool face! Oh! *press*

Kurapika: AHHHH!

Hisoka: But you _have_ been drinking lately, haven't you?

Killua: *peers at Kurapika* Are you okay there?

Gon: Kurapikaaa!

Killua: You okay?

Leorio: *still laughing*

Kurapika: *whimpering*

Gon: Kurapika, it hurts?

Hisoka: Kurapika, how about here?*PRESS*

Kurapika: AHHHHHH! PAINFUL, PAINFUL!

Gon: I'm scared! I'm scared!

Hisoka: *laughs maniacally*

Kurapika: No more! No more! No…

Hisoka: :D Alright! That's the end! I'll let you off here for today~

Kurapika: *glare*

Hisoka: Oh, Kurapika. Don't look at me with eyes like that.

Killua: *laughs nervously* What's with the "I'll let you off…"?

Kurapika: *relieved* Well, it was nothing much-

Hisoka: *raises eyebrows and grabs Kurapika's foot again* Oh, really~ Then shall I do a bit more?

Kurapika: *tries to get away* Are you for real? Are you for real?

Hisoka: *press*

Kurapika: AHHHH! AHHH! AHHHH! …I give in, I give in, I give in, I give in.

Hisoka: *laughing* Okay, let's end it here.

Kurapika: *moves away*

Hisoka: Isn't it great, your liver will become slightly better now.

Kurapika: o-o

Hisoka: Alright, next up…

Gon: *grinning* Leorio, go! Leorio, go!

Leorio: *rubs neck* Uh, I'll excuse myself from this…

Gon: Leorio, go! Leorio, go!

Leorio: *backs away* I'm good!

Hisoka: C'mon, even Gon's telling you to go!

Gon: Yeah, do it? c:

Hisoka: So, Leorio…? Shall I do it for you, too?

Leorio: ^-^; I-I'll miss this one out…

Hisoka: *forces Leorio to sit down* Okay, stretch out your feet…

Leorio: o.o;

Gon: *all innocent* Leorio, what's wrong?

Hisoka: First, I'll apply Illumi's special cream to your foot… *starts spreading cream*

Leorio: Actually, I… I have flat feet.

Hisoka: …It does not matter if you have flat feet or not.

Leorio: I have flat feet! _

Hisoka: Here we go. How's this? *press*

Leorio: *relaxes* Hey, that feels good.

Hisoka: Eh?

Killua and Gon: Ha!

Hisoka: Leorio is healthy, huh?

Leorio: I'm healthy, okay.

Hisoka: *disturbed now* It really has no effect on him…

Leorio: :D I'm healthy, that's why.

Hisoka: *narrows eyes and presses harder*

Leorio: Ahhh, that's a little bit achy.

Hisoka: Ah, so it is working.

Gon: *impressed* Leorio, you aren't just keeping it in?

Leorio: Nope. I told you, it's because of my flat feet.

Hisoka: That's somewhat regrettable. Well, then-

Everyone: *laughs*

Leorio: *grins* This feels quite nice…

Hisoka: In that case, shall I do more of this~?

Leorio: Ahhhh.

Hisoka: How's over here…

Leorio: You know, this is starting to become not so interesting for the readers.

Hisoka: Hm. That's true. Leorio is relaxing too much.

Gon: *elbows Leorio* Hey Leorio, what readers are you talking about?

Kurapika: *laughs*

Hisoka: ^-^ That's right, this is a hot springs resort, you know.

Killua: Yeah, let's just sit back and relax.

Kurapika: *studies Leorio* Leorio… Is surprisingly healthy, isn't he…?

Leorio: :D Yes, I _am_ healthy! …But it does hurt a little.

Hisoka: *triumph* Aha! It _hurts_ a little, he says!

Kurapika: Well, as expected from a doctor-in-training, I guess…

Hisoka: *sighs* I'm starting to give up a little, you know. *presses the liver acupuncture point*

Leorio: Ah, this feels nice…

Kurapika: I wouldn't call that _nice_!

Gon: *thoughtful* Hmm… Well, isn't it good that he feels okay?

Killua: Since he's relaxing.

Kurapika: *disturbed* Am I _that_ unhealthy?

Gon: It has to be, or it wouldn't have turned out like that…

Hisoka: *presses Leorio's foot really hard* Even after all that it's not working? After all that?

Leorio: Not at all.

Hisoka: -.- T-this is mortifying…

Leorio: So am I healthy, or-

Hisoka: _ Alright, that's enough! That's enough for you!

Leorio: Which is it?

Hisoka: *pushes away* The end!

Gon: XD He isn't gonna tell you!

Leorio: Eh? EH?

Hisoka: Your brain is lacking!

Gon, Killua, and Kurapika: *laughs*

Hisoka: Hmph. Next!

Killua: o.o' …Me?

Hisoka: Ah, Killua.

Gon: Killua is doing it… *places hand reassuringly on Killua's shoulder* Hang tough, okay?

Hisoka: *rubs hands with the cream eagerly* The feet specially trained by the Zoldycks… Let me torment them a little for you~. Stretch out your feet.

Gon: *whispers loudly* Does it hurt? Are you okay?

Hisoka: Here, let me introduce this cream~

Kurapika: Somehow that's kinda…

Killua: ^-^ I'm getting really psyched up.

Hisoka: This here is an Aloe Mixture Squalane Cream.

Kurapika: When you say it, it sounds so perverted, Hisoka!

Hisoka: *grins* Aloe Mixture_ Squalane_ Cream.

Gon: Squu… Squ-laaa…. Squaaaa… .

Hisoka: *trying not to laugh* Squa-lane. That's the correct pronunciation. *puts hands on Killua's feet* Okay, here we go, Killua! *press*

Killua: o.o Oh!

Hisoka: *amused* Oh?

Kurapika: Ahahaha!

Leorio: Ha, what was with that "oh"?

Gon: Killua, how is it?

Hisoka: Oh? Oh? How does it feel?

Killua: :3 This is ok.

Gon: ^-^ Ok? As expected of Killua!

Hisoka: *continues pressing* You know, this is the stomach acupuncture point. …Now, let's move onto the kidneys…

Kurapika: *grinning* I want to show his expression, to people who aren't here-

Hisoka: *PRESS*

Killua: O.O Uwah! UWAH! AH-AH.

Kurapika: Oh, what's wrong?

Hisoka: *chuckles* What's up, Killua?

Killua: UWAH. I've… had enough, already…

Hisoka: No, no. Not yet!

Kurapika: Ah, Killua, this is only the beginning!

Hisoka: I still need to heal it! *evil grin* *press*

Killua: UWAH. ACK.

Hisoka: So, Killua, how about here? Over here.

Killua: *shakes head stubbornly*

Gon: *pats Killua's hand* It's not pro wrestling, you know.^-^

Hisoka: Ah, I see. So Killua's kidneys are bad~

Gon:*sweatdrop* Somehow he's looking… more and more feverish…

Killua: Uwah!

Hisoka: *laughing* I'm starting to get excited~! AHAHAHAHAAA.

Leorio: Killua, Killua. You can't stay calm, can you?

Gon: I'M SCARED OF MY TURN NOWWW. :'o

Hisoka: Killua… that face… that expression… IT'S THE BESTTTT!

Kurapika: o.o' …he's bending backwards…

Killua: UWAH.

Gon: Ne, does it hurt? Does it hurt? It doesn't hurt, does it? *pokes Killua* Ne, ne!

Killua: . IT HURTS.

Kurapika and Leorio: *laughing*

Hisoka: *sits back* That's enough for Killua. *grins* Now then… RINGO-CHAAN!

***Ringo-chan= Apple-chan.**

Gon: *whimpers*

Hisoka: Ahahaha, I've kept you waiting~

Gon: *trembling* Hey, you know… Technically speaking, I'm healthy… so, it won't hurt, you know…

Hisoka: Really? Oh, that's right, Gon _is_ a healthy young boy.

Gon: Y-yeah, I'm a h-healthy young boy, t-twelve years old.

Hisoka: *enjoying Gon's nervousness* Even so… some parts of your body might be bad.

Gon: DX N-no way! I'm eating Aunt Mito's food so there can't be!

Hisoka: Oh, it's alright… *sits in front of Gon* Because I like you, Gon, I shall heal all of your bad spots for you!

Gon: *whimpers more*

Hisoka: *puts hands on Gon's feet*

Gon: A-are you starting…?

Hisoka: *press*

Gon: *sweatdrop* It doesn't hurt at all!

Hisoka: *laughing* What was that all about?

Gon: ^-^' It doesn't hurt at all!

Hisoka: Then, I'll start dealing with the bottom and move up in sequence… First is the bladder!

Kurapika, Leorio, and Killua: *burst into laughter*

Kurapika: Really, you…

Leorio: What good will dealing with the bladder do?

Gon: ;_; *laughing and crying*

Hisoka: *snicker* The bladder! *press* How's that, bladder?

Gon: Ahahaha, it doesn't hurt! DX

Leorio: *leans forward* After the bladder, where are you planning to go?

Hisoka: *raises eyebrows* It really doesn't hurt?

Gon: *whimpering* Aheh, aheh… ;-;

Hisoka: Hmmm. Maybe I should do it a little harder…

Kurapika: Hmph. "Starting from the bottom"… Looks like he stopped at the bladder. -.- Hisoka, after the bladder, where are you going you go?

Hisoka: *stops pressing Gon's feet* Oh, after the bladder is the duodenum.

Gon: *still whimpering* Eh, eh…

Killua: XD Gon, stop crying! He's not even touching your feet!

Hisoka: *goes back to pressing Gon's feet* This is the duodenum acupuncture point.

Gon: :'o It doesn't hurt at ah-ah-all!

Leorio: Oh? The duodenum isn't good either. Hmmm.

Kurapika: Ah, he's taking out a handkerchief. Gon, is that a handkerchief?

Killua: *can't stop laughing*

Leorio: *snicker* And it's a pink one, too!

Gon: *wipes eyes with pink handkerchief* It-it doesn't hurt!

Hisoka: *laughing* Gon, that's a cute handkerchief you've got there~

Leorio: Ahaha, it's a girl's handkerchief, though…

Gon: *crying and laughing* It… doesn't hurt… ahahahaha.

Leorio: He's laughing…

Kurapika: But he isn't smiling…

Hisoka: *press, press, press* From the liver to the lungs… I'll heal all your acupuncture points!

Gon: Ah-ah-ah… Just-just send me t-to the hospital already…! D'''':

Hisoka: XD What are you talking about?

Kurapika: Gon, since when were you going to the hospital?

Hisoka: Okay, I'll let you off here!

Gon: *tears streaming down face* Ah! Ah! It didn't hurt at a-all! ;_;

Kurapika: Crying-kun, what are you talking about?!

Killua: ...Is this considered as relaxing?

Hisoka: Even when you're crying, you're cute, Gon! *stands up* Now, everyone has had their fair share of relaxation, I presume? What shall we-

Gon: *still crying a little* Hisokaaa!

Hisoka: …What?

Gon: *wipes eyes* Now all the people you taught… Will do it to _you_!

Leorio: Yeah, we'll do it to you right here, right now! *pulls Hisoka back down* I've grasped the method of doing it quite well.

Hisoka: What?

Kurapika: Stretch out your foot.

Hisoka: What are you trying to do?

Kurapika: Stretch out your foot!

Hisoka: *trying to get away* What are you doing?!

Kurapika: Right! Now, the cream…

Killua and Leorio: *holding Hisoka down*

Hisoka: *struggling* I-It's alright! I'm a magician, so I can heal myself…!

Kurapika: *PRESS* :D

Hisoka: ACK.

Gon: Oh, what's wrong?

Kurapika: What's wrong?

Leorio: How about here! *press*

Hisoka: Gon!

Gon: Here! *PRESS*

Hisoka: _ ' Gon, it's okay… please don't…

Gon: XD Then what about _here_?

Hisoka: WAHHH.

Everyone: *laughing really hard*

Gon: Hisoka, what was that?!

Hisoka: Gon... no…

Gon: How about here? *press*

Hisoka: Feels g-good… _

Gon: Everyone join in! Everyone join in!

Leorio: Okay, how about here?

Hisoka: Eck… eck…!

Killua: Then, how's this!

Hisoka: ACKKKK.

Killua: Say something!

Kurapika: Now, the part where he hurt me… what shall I do with it? :)

Hisoka: W-what are you going to do? I think it's best if you didn't do that!

Kurapika: Yes, yes, yes, how's this!? *press*

*nothing happens*

Hisoka: *raises eyebrows* …Kurapika, you're quite good at this, aren't you?

Gon: Lower! Kurapika, lower!

Kurapika: Take this! How's that?! AND THAT.

Hisoka: ACK. Ah-ah, that's… I'll have Illumi heal that for me next time so just LEAVE IT ALONE FOR NOW! ;-;

Kurapika: ^-^ Hisoka, you're sweating, aren't you?

Hisoka: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow…!

Killua: Ah, this is great!

Hisoka: G-Gon. Stop, Gon…

Gon: XD Not yet. Here too, right? SQUEEEEEEZE!

Hisoka: _ ECKKK.

Kurapika: Revenge from the four of us! *PRESS*

Hisoka: OW.

Gon: Now, after a break let's do Hisoka's other foot, okay?

Kurapika: That's right!

Killua: Yeah!

* * *

**XD I hope you enjoyed Hisoka's foot massage~**


End file.
